waxing nostalgic

When I was a newlywed, I went to a local spa to get my eyebrows waxed.  This thing, this eyebrow waxing, was not a new thing in my life.  But the lady doing the waxing was.  And when I asked her to tighten up my eyebrows, she went to work.

About 20 minutes later she was done.

Now, I don't know how familiar you are with the process of waxing eyebrows, but this is no rocket science, folks.  You do the underneath side, rriiippp.  You do the top side, rriiipp.  You do between the brows, rriiipp!  And repeat.  Once you've waxed, it's time to trim the length of the remaining hair.  You use scissors and a small brush.  And then!  You are done.  I know all this because I've been doing them myself at home for about 10 years now.  Easy. Peasy.

I should have grown concerned after 10 minutes.  And then again as the time inched to 15 minutes.  But I was young and naive and was probably laying there thinking, Wow, look at me.  I'm in a spa!  Getting my eyebrows waxed!  I feel like such a lady of leisure!  Aren't I lucky!

But my luck was about to run out.  I had a date with destiny and her name was The Mirror.

When Sweet Newbie Waxer handed me the mirror and sat me up, I fought back tears.  I tried to appear as calm as possible.  I was only 26 and didn't really know how to ask for my eyebrows back.  As if that was a real possibility.

So I waited until I got in the car and I burst into tears.  And I drove myself home where my husband greeted me and started giggling immediately.  WHERE ARE YOUR EYEBROWS? he asked.  I replied with big, fat, hot tears, and he hugged me as he finally figured out the correct husband response.  I'm sorry honey!  They'll grow back!

A few minutes later I was on the phone with my mom.  I had called her for other reasons, but of course, the eyebrows came up when I was walking around and accidentally looked in the mirror as I passed by.

I recounted the whole 20 minute event to my mom who replied with the most inappropriate answer I could fathom at that moment.

THAT BITCH!!  she hissed.

Ummm.  WOAH.  WAIT.  WHAT?

I can't believe she DID THAT TO YOU! she replied, as if this was my mortal enemy I had laid down in front of to trust my eyebrows with and she had double crossed me.

Suddenly every emotion I had of sadness and slight anger flew out the window and I found myself defending this stranger.  MOM!  CALM DOWN!! 

And the rest, as they say, is history.  Through the years, we've looked for hilarious and inappropriate times to yell THAT BITCH in a conversation with my mom.  Because laughter makes the heart stronger.